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You’d occasionally spot those long-term couples still looking all googly-eyed at each other and wonder what they were smoking. At least that was my experience (and the experience of most of the couples I knew).

Unless the pair is newly attached and lust-driven, you don’t see many couples holding hands, staring into each other’s eyes, and lost in conversation. Yes, I guess that’s the best term available, although there wasn’t a bit of magic involved. It sure feels like one, but even though it seems like a one in a million connection between us, I’ve come to believe that anyone can find a great match (or even possibly create one with your existing partner) if you employ your head as well as your heart.

These 5 love languages include: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.By understanding your own unique needs, and the needs of your partner when you find him or her, you both learn how to express love in a way that feels most loving to each other.Emotional intelligence is a set of skills that include control of your impulses, self-motivation, empathy and social competence in interpersonal relationships.It involves the ability to listen well, communicate calmly, and maintain self-control.We all have baggage we carry into a relationship, and some is more debilitating that others.

These can include childhood wounds, past relationship issues, or other emotional scars we harbor that impact our behaviors, moods, and self-control.

There are a variety of free personality assessments online, and I’d suggest you take one of them to find out your 4-letter type. Whether than means going out with friends to clubs or social events or signing up for a dating service, you must make the (admittedly uncomfortable) effort to search.

Then read this article about compatibility and personality type to see how you can find your soulmate by looking for people who have a complimentary type. Even though sometimes gets a bad rap, I found it highly useful in narrowing the field of potential relationship candidates and quickly screening people who weren’t compatible.

If they don’t know, share the list of 400 value words and ask them to define them. Write down the qualities, attributes, and personality of your ideal soulmate.

If you discover you have wildly differing values, it’s time to walk away.5. Get as specific as possible, focusing specifically on the areas that have the most longevity.

I just assumed that the “soulmate” thing was an anomaly — a new age term coined to describe the rare connection between two people beamed down from the planet Woo Woo, destined to find each other through magical attraction love beams. Finding the person who will still make your heart go pitter patter 10, 20, or 30 years down the road does involve a little luck and chemistry, but mostly it involves knowing yourself, who you’re looking for, and some basic prerequisites for any successful relationship.1. This is basic, foundational work everyone should undergo in preparation for a great relationship.