He says he has always taken it slow in dating and this is nothing new.I want to be sure that I am getting my needs met and that I’m not just a “rebound” for him. Dear Karen, One thing I know about widowers, followed by two things I know about men.One is ready to date again whenever solitude gives way to loneliness.
I have not “lost” the guy I’ve been dating for the past 3 months, but I need to fix some of the mistakes I was starting to make. and 1 in Oct.) when we saw each other on Saturday and Sunday (but no sleepover) we have only seen each other once a week.
He’s a recent widower (wife died of cancer in June 2010.) We started dating just after Labor Day. We live about an hour and 1/2 apart and he has a very high level job and a big house to take care of (and a dog.) There has been no sex yet but lots of “foreplay.” He says he always waits to have sex until he’s more sure of the woman.
But if you are here because you are still not sure – and you don’t believe me – then ask him how he feels and what’s going on.
I just read your book “Why He Disappeared” and really appreciated the great info.
Pictures of his dead wife are not adorning his nightstand and his home does not resemble Miss Havisham‘s ballroom.
He doesn’t cower under the weight of disapproval from children, in-laws or friends.Factor in the dearth of older men – there are literally 3 times more single women over the age of 65 – and, well, a decent looking widower doesn’t stay available for very long. And if he fails, he risks losing the woman he cares about.Next, something I know (and have stated repeatedly) about men – of all ages: We do what we want. Which means that even if many widowers throw themselves into new relationships because of their tremendous loneliness, THIS one seems to be functioning more like your basic super-successful middle-aged man. You can give him an extra-wide berth because he’s newly single, but be forewarned: a man who is newly single (and is keeping a little distance) is probably going to want to get a greater sampling of what’s available instead of diving right back into commitment.So when a woman survives her husband, she’s got a circle of friends from the neighborhood, from work, from her card game, from her book club, from her salsa classes. Regardless, he dictates the terms of the relationship based on HIS needs and schedule. To his credit, he’s taking things slow, to avoid diving into another serious relationship that he may end up regretting.You know what a widower’s left with when his wife dies? A man’s inability to survive without a woman is a big explanation why a widower is often a very hot ticket on the open market – he’s LOOKING to be married again. But, at a certain point, a man has to step up and give you a reasonable amount of attention and comfort.My mom didn’t even think of meeting another man until about 3 years after my father passed away. How could you be anything BUT a rebound following a long-term marriage?