As they cuddled together in a gold-encrusted gondola, Sally Humphreys leaned in adoringly for a lingering kiss - from a man almost old enough to be her grandad. His thin, wrinkled lips were puckered like those of a man who had misplaced his dentures.His crepey skin stretched across his thin, boney face, his sun-damaged hand reached for her slender knee, his turkey neck wobbled in anticipation of a night of passion. One can only imagine that when they did make love, Miss Humphreys laid back and thought of the Bank of England.How else can you explain the love affair between the scarecrow Wood and this lovely theatre producer?
Maybe his girlfriend was less keen on putting out than other girls.Maybe he was less sure of what to do, so didn’t push it.Maybe he was shy or didn’t find it that easy to get a girlfriend until much later than everyone else.Terrified he’ll embarrass himself, he avoids making any sexual advances at all.Girls aren’t used to men not wanting to sleep with them so he quickly gets a reputation of being ‘a bit weird’ or ‘gay’ and before he knows it, he’s scared of dating and sex. It’s so readily available and prolific, men no longer need to go out and pursue women to satisfy themselves sexually.
Why should they when they can stay at home and explore all their sexual fantasies online with no risk of rejection or ridicule?
And he has offered it to many women, all young enough to be his daughters, since he separated from his wife of 24 years, Jo.
We’ve long become accustomed to the sight of fabulously wealthy and famous older men dating younger women, but when the age gap reaches more than 30 years, you have to wonder what the women can be thinking.
While so much is written about what happens to women’s bodies when they hit 50 (their breasts and bottoms head south, their tummies never recover from having children, they have stretch marks, cellulite and sagging flesh), very little is said about what happens to men’s bodies at a similar age.
Without going into too much detail in a family newspaper, let’s just say their wobbly bits droop as far and as fast as a mother-of-six’s breasts.
One woman at the dinner, a glamorous fifty-something, told of her latest dating experience. Yes, teeth problems loom large with the older man, as does health in general.